Pinky and the Brian (Tamaki)
I’ve recently been working heavily on the new Radio Over Moscow album, Hide the Decline, and setting up a one-man, laptop-based live set of sorts. But tonight, I’m taking a time out to rant. Oh yeah. Rant.
We have this Jim Jones-type of character here in New Zealand, only he’s less-obsessed with Kool-Aid and slightly more of the L Ron Hubbard school of thought. His name is Brian Tamaki.
He’s always been a faintly amusing character, because anyone of right-thinking mind has seen his M.O from the very start - prey on the weak, promise the Earth, deliver it only to himself, cry media ‘persecution’, profit. That, and because it’s fun to joke whenever you drive through the Auckland suburb of Tamaki, or down the road (fond of cyclists) called Tamaki Drive. It’s as if his legend was preordained by some previous Auckland City Council.
His church, Destiny, shot to fame when they held an infamous march against gay civil unions. Or marriage. Anyway, a lot of people thought the marchers, dressed in black, came across as fascists. Many of the highly-visible marchers were Maori and Pacific Islanders, so in the eyes of the world it probably looked even worse - as in they likely saw an army of Jango Fetts, the genetic base of the Empire’s Stormtroopers. Homo-hating stormtroopers.
That, or Jonah Lomus. But if that was the case, Europe would have been scared straight on the spot.
Around the same time, Tamaki said that in four years, Destiny would rule NZ. That makes him not only in the same league as Jones and Hubbard, but the Jehovah’s Witnesses. How many times have they failed to predict the end of the world, huh?
Anyway. Brian Tamaki, or ‘Bishop’ as he had himself ordained (not kidding), when not trying to buy up self-contained compounds (again, not kidding), rakes in a shitload of cash from his followers. Some aren’t too happy with this, now including many Destiny churchgoers.
A week or two ago, a mass walkout at one of their Australian branches garnered media attention. Today, after several requests for an explanation, Tamaki finally relented - and gave an on-camera interview to the opposing channel that had been chasing him.
I wonder why?
Anyway, he not only puts his foot in his mouth, but smack bang through that eye of the needle no camel can get through. He uses an Old Testament rule on tithing to justify fleecing his flock of their, um, modern day fleece (money, not polar fleece jackets). The primary argument so-called Christians use against having to implement a billion (yes, I counted) strange OT rules is that Jesus’ new rules overrode the old ones. You know, the whole killing, raping, circumcising anyone you disagreed with was out - and being poor and skint (and probably playing bass in an indie rock band on the dole) was in.
For example, I saw Brian Tamaki’s house on TV the other night, and it did not appear to have a parapet around the roof. When he appeared on TV tonight, his cloak did not have four tassles. Nor were they blue. Has he laid his land low for a year in every seven?
“Ten cents in every dollar God says belongs to him,” says Tamaki - which is why you have to give it to him. Him being Tamaki. Because as Tamaki himself says, he is “the physical manifestation of God” (that website is registered to an address and email both belonging to the church).
“If you don’t (tithe), you’re robbing him.” Once again, I have to question who ‘him’ is here.
Mike Hosking, the interviewer, asks Tamaki, “Can you be too poor to tithe?”
Tamaki: “No. If you’re getting an income, how can you be too poor to tithe?”
By Tamaki’s logic, I already tithe to the God of Student Loans. Which kinda makes me too poor to tithe again - and I’m far from being the worst off. Not as well-off as Tamaki though - when asked why he rides a Harley instead of a donkey, like Jesus, he responds - aggressively - “What’s wrong with a Harley?”
He brings up the ‘fact’ other churches bring in “$30 million” a year, specifically naming the Presbyterian Church. Which has 428,000 members approx in New Zealand - that’s about $70 a year, each, according to Tamaki’s figures. To buy a single ‘Covenant Ring’, symbolising one’s dedication to Brian Tamaki and the Destiny Church, costs $300. Plus the 10 percent tithe, which on a median salary would be in the region of $3000 - $4000.
I can’t find any figures on Destiny’s numbers, but I guess it would be much, much less than a quarter of the Presbytarians - yet Destiny still claims to rake in $7 million a year.
About seven minutes into the interview, Tamaki calls Hosking a “thief” for not tithing. He’s like a busker on the street, shouting insults when the passerbys don’t throw him a dollar, because his music sucks. Yep, Tamaki is the Creed of… oh wait.
Then, talking on the covenant rings, which were sold to male members of the church as previously mentioned, he says the commitment made is “like a marriage”. You know, that legal bond which isn’t yet available to men who want to actually marry other men. But is okay if it’s with Brian Tamaki, I guess.
“It’s a men’s church.” Mmhmm.
“I run men’s meetings for mental young men.” Mmhmm, yes you do.
“The Bible is extreme.” Yup.
Tags: religion
